Ask Denise and Jess again

[MA]

Dear Denise and Jess,

Last week I found myself in this awkward social position. I was talking to one girl at a bar when two other girls came up and wanted to buy me a drink. Now the way I see it is that girls get drinks all the time for free; so why not do my part to even it up? Plus I was thirsty. How do I accept the drink without offending the first girl or having to talk to the second girls, because all I really wanted was a free drink?

Thirsty in DC

[jessdoro]

Dear Thirsty,

In rough financial times such as these, I'm always an advocate of getting something for free. Take the beer. Play on playa. ;D

Jess

[blueangel0679]

you just made me giggle out loud a tmy desk! Thanks!

[nisey]

jessdoro said:

Dear Thirsty,

In rough financial times such as these, I'm always an advocate of getting something for free. Take the beer. Play on playa. ;D

Jess

Dear Thirsty,

I concur with my associate...never say no to free beer. But how to do so without looking like a complete douche you may ask?? My advice is thus...

when girl #1 goes to use the restroom, kindly accept free beer from girls #2 and #3. Chug it quickly and splash a little on your face so that it burns. When girl #1 returns, telling her you've been crying because you missed her so much. If she asks about girls #2 and #3 and "why they are looking at you" simply tell her they are your sisters...

done

[jessdoro]

Dear Denise,

Being Shelby...or as I call it, "the good life"...is all I think about day and night. I can't even begin to fathom being popular with all the kickball kids, possessing numchuck skills, bo-hunting skills... computer hacking skills.... all the while cuddling with fine menzes on the side. I hear he doesn't sleep and I'm beginning to think he's super-human. How could my life ever measure up?

Shelby-envy in DC

[meeeshell]

Dear Envy,

Though I will not even pretend to be as knowledgeable as our erudite advice columnists, I will offer my own humble take on things. The lovely Shelby is in fact an anomaly. None of the rest of us girls or gurls can hope to lead Shelby’s life. Your best bet is to live vicariously through the tales of his escapades, which still works out to be more fun than a tub of ice cream.

Me

[alpine717]

Dear Nisey and Jessy,

I know I have been busy at the new project and all, but I had no idea you were handing out free advice in kickball forums. (ps - you should be charging, that was some damn good advice on the "free drink" post) I feel so out of the loop, in the dark, almost like I work in philly monday - thursday.

I am going to need a brief summary of how "Ask Jess and Denise" came about and why I was not made aware of your new profession as advice columnists. Couple questions: (1) Does Dear Abby know about your move from the consulting sector to the advice-to-strangers sector? (2) If I need advice am I still free to reach you via cell phone or is all advice now administered through kickball forums? (3) have you given up the day jobs?

Miss you much.
APINE

[steveindc]

Hey Alpine, don't take this the wrong way, but who the hell are you? ;D

[Scottyg]

Steve are you going to be that guy that trolls the boards all day and scares the new people off?

Actually the last two videos you've had on your profile answer that question for me.

[alpine717]

Um, just an all-star player on Sack Lunch, that knew Jess and Denise way before their "Ask Jess and Denise" fame.

[blueangel0679]

Stevie just wants to make sure that if its a new chic that he swoops in before Scotty has a chance to exhibit his charms.

[steveindc]

blueangel0679 said:

Stevie just wants to make sure that if its a new chic that he swoops in before Scotty has a chance to exhibit his charms.

And running into the Starry award lead of best flirt...Scooter!

[blueangel0679]

hey, a man's gotta have goals right?

[Scottyg]

Last time I checked I was leading as Male Party Pooper?

If that has changed, apparently someone other that Deflated Balls has been voting.

[meeeshell]

I will take this as a cue to plug Starry Awards. Unless you hate children, please buy them. Thank you. (Sorry Shelby for scooping the newsletter, but I'm sure you'll understand.)

Current standings are:

Best Team: Deflated Balls

Best Team Name: Sensations without Representation

Male Lush: Sh3lby (Flame On!)

The Courtney Love Award for Female Lush: Michelle Pitts (Deflated Balls)

Male Flirt / Stalker: Sh3lby (Flame On!)

Female Flirt / Stalker: Andrea (Kick This) & Sh3lby (Flame On!) – TIE!

The Bobby Knight Award for Male Who Gets Too Serious about the Kickball: Don O’Hair (Deflated Balls)

Female Who Gets Too Serious about the Kickball: Mandy LaCrosse (Deflated Balls)

The Mr. Magoo Award for Worst Male Ref: (Editor’s note: Still no one? That’s fine. I will abuse my power here and arbitrarily name / harass Taylor (Team Keg). I have no idea whether or not he’s actually ref’d, nor do I care. If you would like to see this changed, votes are for sale this Sunday at the bar. Until that time, Taylor’s name stays here unless I decide to name another.)

Worst Female Ref: Wackos Third Base Ref for Aug. 28 D-Balls Game

Male Party Pooper: Scotty G. (Wackos)

The Carrie Nation Award for Female Party Pooper: Meredith Pitts (Deflated Balls) (Editor’s note, Meredith may be a lightweight who can’t be bothered to enjoy a drink or two at the bar after the games, but to her credit, she takes her kickball as seriously as her D-Ball fashion. You go Rock the Cradle of Love, Ms. Idol!)
www.flickr.com/photos/dcstar/46962888/in/set-1021537/